Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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