He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She needs sedatives and a leash
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Randomize
