What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
