I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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