Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
