All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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