I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
