someone threw a dead crab at me
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
