My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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