If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
