So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
