looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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