Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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