I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
