absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
