I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
