remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
