We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
