I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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