No stitches, just platelets and will power
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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