They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
