I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
