sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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