not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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