god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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