it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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