remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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