she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
