kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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