My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
