I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
