somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
