i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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