We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Threesome in a minivan. New low
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
