the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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