how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We need to get me chipped asap
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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