Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
