Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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