I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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