How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
