PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
