i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
im six kinds of drunk right now
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
