So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
