im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
