I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
