You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
