He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
