Pants 0. Shit 1.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
