Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
