dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
