So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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