I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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