I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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