If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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