i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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